


Scott Joins The X-Men

by SmallishWormMasterOfTheUniverse



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Animal Death, Cyclops - Freeform, F/M, Phoenix - Freeform, Smut, pre x-men, revival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 18:25:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4402520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmallishWormMasterOfTheUniverse/pseuds/SmallishWormMasterOfTheUniverse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Scott's first meeting with the Professor had gone...differently? Warnings for major character death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scott Joins The X-Men

**Author's Note:**

> I used to carry around an inconspicuous blue notebook wherein I would shamelessly write fanfic of varying quality. During school no less! Here is one of those fanfics, completely unedited. BTW, If I die suddenly, I'm counting on you guys to find that notebook and burn it. Thanks pals.

Cyclops was having a problem. Actually, his problem was that he was still Scott Summers, because he hadn't joined the X-Men yet. And he had beheaded his parakeet with his magical lazer eyebeams that were coming out of his head. And they were still coming out of his head because he couldn't make them stop. Also he had a boner, but that was probably unrelated.  


"Gosh darn it," said Cyclops as the eyebeams came out of his head, because he was not a swearer. "I fucking totaled that parakeet." Nevermind.  


Then Professor X walked in but he was wearing a wig. "Hello Scott," he said. "It's me, your uncle. Nice eyebeams." Scott turned around to see who said that, because he only had aunts. And then his eyebeams blew off Professor Xavier's head. So now Scott couldn't join the X-Men, but he didn't know that he was supposed to so he wasn't that upset.  


But he was upset because he had killed two things in about five minutes. So he closed his eyes and started crying. So then the eyebeams stopped. "Hey," Scott said, "the eyebeams stopped." He opened his eyes in delight. Then his mom walked in the room.  


"Ouch!" said his mom. "You killed me!" Cyclops stared at the body lying on the ground. It was smoking like smoke was coming from it, not like it was smoking it a cigarette. Cigarettes kill you but so do eyebeams so do what you want I guess.  


"Wait," said Cyclops. "My mom is dead, which is why I'm in this freaking orphanage." They were in an orphanage. The corpse stood up.  


"You got me," said Jean Grey. Because it was actually Jean Grey disguised as Scott's mom. She turned back into herself. She was really pretty and she had hair as red as spaghetti sauce and eyes as green as Christian's folder, which is really green if you can't see it. And she had big boobs and a big butt, but usually you couldn't see both of them at once. Scott noticed he still had a boner.  


But Jean didn't notice because Scott was still shooting her with his eyebeams. "Hey," she said, "stop shooting me with your eyebeams." They didn't hurt her because she had telekinesis and the Phoenix force.  


Scott said "I can't stop shooting you with my eyebeams. I don't know how."  


"Well close your eyes," said Jean Grey.  


"Okay," said Scott. Then he closed his eyes.  


"They stopped," said Jean.  


"Okay," said Scott. They stood in silence for a little while, which was awkward because of the sexual tension. Then Scott said "Can I stop closing my eyes now?"  


"No," said Jean.  


"But I can't see anything," said Scott.  


"What do you want me to do about it," said Jean.  


"Well you should do something because you owe me for traumatizing me with the image of my dead mother," said Scott.  


"Okay," said Jean. "You can touch my right boob."  


"Why not the left one," said Scott.  


"Because you murdered the Professor," said Jean.  


"Who's the Professor?" said Scott.  


"That guy over there," said Jean. She pointed to the Professor's body which was lying on the floor.  


"Oh," said Scott. "I'm sorry." He couldn't actually see the Professor because he had his eyes closed, but he wanted to touch Jean's boob. So then he touched it. "Oh," said Scott.  


"Oh," said Jean. Scott continued touching her boob. It felt squishy and warm, like an overripe orange that had been left out in the sun.  


"This is a pretty cool experience," said Scott, but then he thought he sounded like a nerd so he stopped touching her boob.  


"It's okay," Jean said. "You don't sound like a nerd."  


"What?!" said Scott.  


"I can read minds and have telekinesis," said Jean. "And you can shoot beams of concussive force out of your eyeballs. That's because we're both mutants. So now you get to come to a mansion."  


"Okay," said Scott.  


So then they went to the mansion in a giant helicopter and Scott could begin his new life as a mutant superhero. But everybody was sad because the Professor died. But then he came back to life, so it was okay. But then Jean died. But then she came back to life. But then she died again. But then it turned out it was actually a clone of her that died. So Scott had a hell of a time. So Scott Summers became Cyclops and joined the X-Men and got cool glasses.  


THE END.  



End file.
